Under the title “My life with Mr. Long”, Altea publishes a series of entries from Annette Scholer’s Long COVID diary. Annette Scholer metaphorically describes her disease as “Mr. Long”, with whom she now has to live. Already released: Part 1, Part 2
“I turned 50 in December, and I’d been looking forward to this milestone for a long time. I always thought: “This is when I’ll really get going and start to enjoy life to the full. Now it’s my turn!” But nine days after my birthday, I was caught completely off guard and everything changed. “I just need to survive the obligatory little C-word episode and then everything can begin”. That was how I saw things at the time, but then the sobering reality hit. It was no longer a case of getting going and enjoying life to the full.
Now I’m happy if I have a day where I’m not left gasping for breath from pure exhaustion. I've had the stuffing knocked out of me, and sometimes I’m happy to still be able to make it to the toilet without help. Sometimes I wish that someone would chew my food for me and then feed it to me, like a bird. That’s how weak I've now become.”
“When I’m feeling bad, I could get a job as a wandering corpse on the ghost train.”
“I feel like a crunchy apple that’s been cored to remove a part of my brain, the heart of my emotions and my get up and go. My emotions have just disappeared. I do cry sometimes, but I don’t know if it’s from exhaustion or frustration. When I’m feeling bad, I could get a job as a wandering corpse on the ghost train. I don’t look in the mirror very much – I don’t want to shock myself.
“If we go on a short trip out of the house (I’m wiped out after three and a half hours at the most) and I start to feel bad, my boyfriend will drive me home. He’s my savior in these situations. But when you’ve got used to being the one at the wheel for over 30 years and driving is also part of your job, it’s not easy.
My boyfriend has something else to contend with too, since I can’t stand the way he drives. But he takes my criticism with a huge amount of patience and drives me safely back home. Walking short distances is something I can manage on my own, but otherwise I wait until I feel better again, which can take up to an hour.”
“I’m like Siri: I can describe an emotion, but not experience it. I call it emotional dementia.”
“I don’t feel angry with anyone or with my current situation. I’m like Siri, the voice on the iPhone: she can describe an emotion but she can’t experience it. That’s what it’s like for me too. I know that people can love each other, but I don’t feel that any more. Compassion for others has gone as well.
It’s like I’ve forgotten all of the emotions. I call it emotional dementia in the hope that it will maybe go away again at some point. There are exercises you can do to help with dementia if you have people around you who know what to do. I don’t think very much any more, as I find it too exhausting. I’m pleased if the day comes to an end and I’ve been able to make all the appointments that I had in my calendar.”
“Smells sometimes get so intensely stuck in my nose that I can barely get them out again.”
“I have a similar issue with smell and taste. It only works with strong smells, so I spend more time seasoning my food with herbs and pepper to get it to taste good. I can also smell citrus fruits. But sometimes I have a smell in my nose that I don’t necessarily want. These smells get really intensely stuck in my nose and I can barely get them out again. And then my food tastes like sh...ugar. I know I can’t get annoyed about it.
I’ve also become sensitive to noise, and my daughter and my boyfriend often have to hear me tell them not to yell at me. The clanging of cutlery gets on my nerves, and loud cars, loud music, loud television and even loud breathing or eating is intensely irritating. Hustle and bustle and quick chatter is almost unbearable.”
“I take more breaks than before, and I listen to my body a lot more.”
“But Mr. Long has his good sides too. I’m much more conscious of everything. I take more breaks than before, and I listen to my body a lot more. I can tell when things are getting too much for me now too, and I’ll then try and delegate, which isn’t easy for me at all. I like standing on the terrace and enjoying the blossoming trees, the bushes and the flowers. And I’ve rediscovered writing as well. I love writing, but I ran out of ideas a while ago. I’ve now got something I want to put down on paper again.”
